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Young Love
I know what it's like to be Married too Young. Trust me, I get it. You are in love and no one can tell you any differently. Your feelings are more real to you than anyone will ever believe. You have no doubt it will last forever. That is how you feel when you are young and in love. How do I know this? Who am I to tell you? I am just like you because I was once young and in love. I was once part of a ‘we’ that fought the good fight, keeping our love alive when all others tried to kill it. I’m not kidding, they tried to kill any chances of us being together. The more they tried to knock our love down, the more we picked it up. We were invincible. I’m sure you are too, young lovers. I started writing poems about this very subject when I was fourteen years old. Reading them now I can see how much growing I still had left to do but you would never have been able to tell me back then. So if you are young and in love- sure that your love will last forever and not letting anyone else drag you down, you have found someone who understands the way you feel. And honestly, I’d give anything to have that much faith in a relationship again.
My First love
I was made to feel as if I was an unloved child. People who were supposed to nurture me and protect me let me down my whole young life. I suffered through many forms of abuse. Emotional abuse led to me to believe I was unworthy of love. I was convinced I was nobody until I met him. He literally spun me around in the hallway at school one day and told me I was pretty. From that moment on he was my everything. Nothing else in my life mattered. I couldn’t go one second without thinking about him. To me he was living proof that I was someone special and worth fighting for because he did fight for me in his own misunderstood way. After I met him I started standing up for myself in ways I could never have imagined. He became everything to me.
Second Thoughts
You were about to lose your mind. You had to leave because you knew he was doing you wrong. You felt such strength in leaving but the act of staying gone brought out your weaknesses. You started to second guess yourself and the thought of not being able to go back made you feel like you were about to lose your mind.
you can't go back
After all that back and forth, leaving and coming back you finally come to the realization that you can't go back. Nothing you've said, done or tried has worked. This will be the toughest part. This will be where you finally say goodbye. Below there is a beautiful video to the song: Slow Dancing in a Burning Room which portrays couples during the ups and downs of their relationships. I couldn't have found a better one. I hope you enjoy it.
Hurt and Confused
It was a tough spot to be in. On the one hand it felt good to be able to make my own choices without anyone telling me what I could or couldn’t do. On the other hand, I wanted him with me even though I had chosen to leave. It was a very hurt-filled and confused time.
Persevere
It wasn’t easy to get him off my mind. He hurt me a lot but he also was the one who made me feel loved for the first time. I was never taught how to be strong, I had to learn how to become strong. The memories of him would not stop and that may have weakened me but self-preservation made me push through those times when it was hard to forget.
a new beginning
It wasn't easy. I had my baby daughter with me as I struggled to make it on my own for the first time. After a while I met someone and we moved rather quickly. We were living together within two weeks and there were often times I didn't trust him even though he made me feel safer than anyone I had ever known. Our ups and downs continued but after two years we got married. So for the second time I was married too young. It was my new beginning.
free but afraid
In my next book I plan to include poems and songs I wrote during my second marriage. I'm not sure what the book title will be, but I intend to make all of my books part of the Married Too Young Series. I feel like I continued to have shortcomings brought upon me by my traumatic childhood and young adulthood which left me not being strong enough to hang in there when things got tough. I was in a pattern which I will discuss further. Let's just say I became quite the run away girl.